Wonder Out Loud

wndrIf you’re like me, you often awaken at 3 in the morning with your mind filled with questions, like who is this laying next to me? Well, I guess my thoughts seem to drift a little farther out than that, a little more like this.

  • Why did people spend all the time domesticating dogs and cats…and now we are stuck taking care of them?
  • If you buy a refrigerator and a bum ends up living in the box, can you charge him rent?
  • Why do people want to be judged by a Jury instead of a Judge? Do you really want 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty to decide your fate?
  • If there really is a hole in the ozone layer, how come we aren’t flying around the universe like a balloon? Or are we?
  • Why do birds chirp so loud at 4a.m.? Is there some kind of bird orgy going on out there?
  • Why did we build escalators so we didn’t have to climb stairs, then we built stairmasters so we could climb fake stairs in a health club?
  • Why is there Braille on the Drive Up ATM?
  • Why do veggie pizzas still have cheese on them?
  • Has Tony Danza ever had a role where his character name wasn’t “Tony”?
  • Why do people order a Super Sized Meal at fast food places and then get a Diet Cola?
  • No matter what Neil Patrick Harris does in his life, everyone will still refer to him as Doogie Howser.
  • If they don’t make gas with lead anymore, why do they call still call it unleaded gas?
  • If you eat Tartar Sauce and then brush your teeth with tartar fighting toothpaste; what happens?
  • How many people get into accidents because they are buckling their seatbelts while they are driving?
  • Why do people pay the extra money for caller ID on top of their already expensive phone bill, just so they DON’T have to answer the phone?
  • Why can Domino’s beat an ambulance to your house? I think these hospitals should start hiring Domino’s drivers, they know how to get somewhere in a hurry.
  • Why don’t psychics ever win the lottery?
  • How do you throw away a garbage can? They always put mine back on the curb.
  • Why is my lemonade artificially flavored, yet my lemon dishwashing detergent contains real lemons.
  • Why do we care what happens to these degenerates on the stupid reality shows?
  • How does my ass know whether I have to shit or fart? Why do I keep trusting it to make the right decision?
  • Why do women usually have about 3 keys and 29 key chains while men have one keychain and about 42 keys?

One comment

  1. The ozone hole comment must be purely humor, since the atmosphere has never been a “sealed” system.

    Leaded gas is still used by some racers, including NASCAR until recent years.

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