Tornado Safety

tornado2Tornadoes are one of nature’s scariest forces. With little or no warning they can drop and destroy your entire house; just like your in-laws during the holidays. For that reason I’ve compiled a list of things to keep in mind, just in case you cross paths with a tornado.

  • A large tornado touching down in your town is very unlikely. If it does happen, make sure you get outside and look at it.
  • Tornadoes usually move about 30MPH. Your car goes much faster.
  • When moving to a new town make sure you live on the other side of town of the trailer park. Tornadoes always hit trailer parks.
  • If you’re ever caught in a tornado, make sure you have your red ruby slippers with you so you can get back home.
  • Don’t move anywhere referred to as fucking tornado alley.
  • Practice Yoga. That way if you’re ever in an F5 tornado you can bend over and kiss your ass good-bye.
  • Tornadoes don’t go underground. You should live underground.
  • More people die from floods than tornadoes. So much for hiding in that ditch.
  • When you hear the sirens, call all your friends and let them know there is a tornado.
  • Make sure your camcorder is all charged up so you can get your ass on the 10pm news.
  • If you’re watching the weather and the Meteorologist says there’s going to be a tornado, just remember; when was the last time that bastard was right?
  • If after the tornado you look outside and there is a yellow brick road… boy do you have a long day ahead of you.
  • Hey, it’s just a funny shaped cloud you whiny fuckers.
  • This is what you get for always telling your kids that it looks like a tornado went through their room. Well, now it did.

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