Holy hell, I haven’t blogged since before Christmas. I guess I need to play some catch up now. Let’s rewind to Thanksgiving. Turkey, stuffing, blah blah blah… nothing really spectacular happened then, so let’s move on. For my first time ever I went out shopping on Black Friday. The fact that I’m not sitting in a holding cell still awaiting trial for beating the shit out of some random asshole that pissed me off on that day is a miracle in and of itself. I really can’t say I will ever go out and do that again. Not that I don’t enjoy waking up at 3am and going to a store (holy shit, that sounds like when I used to work retail), but really… I don’t like going to a store at 5pm. Add in no sleep and 500 additional people and you have the recipe for a disgruntled human.

I bought a Christmas tree and had that up. I actually ended up having Christmas dinner here at my new house this year. It wasn’t too bad except for the aforementioned shitty weather we had. It was a small party with only 8 of us here. The Sunday after Christmas I got up in the morning feeling ok and then when I sat on the couch I got a lovely surprising feeling of falling backwards. I also had a very plugged left side of my head, nasal congestion and all that good shit. On Wednesday I ended up going to the doctor at urgent care and was diagnosed with having BPPV. The V stands for vertigo in that awesome acronym. I know I didn’t ask for that for Christmas. It took a full week for the vertigo to go away and I was extremely pleased when it did. There’s only one reason you should be hanging onto your headboard, and feeling like you’re spinning isn’t the reason.

Now it’s the New Year and I am getting ready to do my taxes. I cannot wait to get my money now with my 8,000 credit for being a first time home buyer. I will be super rich then, until I realize that I have a mortgage and owe almost 10 times that. Ah, the joys of being a responsible adult… what a crock of shit.

I know… I’m sick of listening to people on the news piss and moan about Tiger Woods and whoever he is or isn’t driving. People all over the world are cheating on their spouses and being famous doesn’t make you exempt from it, but it also shouldn’t make you the target of everyone else with shitty morals suddenly judging you for your actions. All I can say is that with America’s short attention span Tiger will be back in our good graces soon enough; right Kobe Bryant?

On a side note, why was I up at 6am on a Sunday morning?

It also means that I will be homework free before Christmas and will be done with classes completely (aside from a few test outs I need to do.)

Hopefully I will be back with a new blog design come 2010... at least that's my early resolution.

What else have I been doing? Oh yeah, I completely ripped the kitchen out of my house. Currently I do not have anything in my kitchen but a table and my fridge. Everything must go, well except the table, I’ll keep that. I started last weekend with a friend coming up and we ripped out the majority of the cabinets that were in the kitchen, leaving only the set that held the sink in. did I ever mention the sink? It was a single tub white porcelain covered cast iron model with the molded in foot long dish strainers on each side. Well I pulled the rest of everything out on Friday night after work, because that’s what I wanted to do after working all day long. Now I’m faced with a kitchen that needs a paint job, an electrician (coming Monday) and cabinets, countertops and appliances (all in the garage). I probably won’t be back on here for a while now. The only saving grace is that when I’m down it will look a lot better, and I’ll have something new to add to my photos section on my website.

So to recap, I am very tired, very stressed and very sore, not to mention slightly overwhelmed by the amount of things to do. The part I’m looking most forward to is getting the kitchen done, which will be started next weekend around inventory at work. I didn’t mention that, I’ll be at work late Friday and probably a good chunk of Saturday too. I plan on getting as much done Saturday night and Sunday as I can though. The part that overwhelms me is the homework, not sure why my dumbass didn’t wait until the spring semester to sign up for another class. Well, what’s done is done, hopefully I complete and pass the class; oh yeah, then I’m done taking classes unless I decide I want to get another degree. That isn’t happening anytime soon. Now I must go, the couch is calling and I need some more sleep.

I never realized owning a house was such a joyful pain in the ass. I don't think I've sat down to relax for over two weeks now. Oh well, keep thinking $8,000 from the government... it makes it sound sweet.

I don't even know if I'll be back before the month is over, so just in case at least I did an entry in August. My list of shit to do is endless.

Main Entry: pro•fan•i•ty
Pronunciation:\prō-ˈfa-nə-tē, prə-\
1 a: the quality or state of being profane b: the use of profane language
2 a: profane language b: an utterance of profane language

Well that was rather helpful wasn’t it? Now I have to go reference profane.

Main Entry: pro•fane
Pronunciation:\prō-ˈfān, prə-\
1 : to treat (something sacred) with abuse, irreverence, or contempt : desecrate
2 : to debase by a wrong, unworthy, or vulgar use

Well thank you online dictionary, now I know and knowing is half the battle. Ok then, profanity is profane language; well wait, that’s rather confusing isn’t it? You see, I never understood and still don’t understand why certain words are considered bad. It is one of those things that never made sense to me, someone heard a word and said; God doesn’t like that word. I’m guessing it was religion based at its earliest conception because most things that were considered bad were blamed on God to scare people into not doing them. In case this is the only thing you’ve ever read of mine, you should know I’m not scared to use so called “dirty words” but you should also know that I don’t always use them or even rely on them to make my point, however I do occasionally use them to exemplify points. In fact it may shock you that even I for whatever reasoning am not a huge fan of people cussing and swearing; but I think there are more profane things out there than words.

A good example would be this, which is more profane? You’re at the store and a woman and her 8 year old are shopping, the 8 year old drops a carton of eggs on the floor and instantly lets a cuss word fly out. Is that horrible, I don’t’ think so. If the child launches into a two minute tirade of words then yes, but one quick instinct word I don’t think would be profane or would stop the world from turning. Scenario two is much more profane in my eyes, and one as a former retail employee is one I’ve seen on many occasions. The same mom and her 8 year old are shopping and the 8 year old wants something and is told they can’t have it. Well this sets off the child and now they are, without using any swear words, telling their mother how stupid she is and how she doesn’t love them and basically belittling her in front of an entire store. That utter disrespect is what is profane to me.

That being said, I don’t want to hear your child swearing. Like I said, I swear my fair share but as a child I was disciplined and taught not to swear. So no, my argument isn’t that kids swearing isn’t profane, but that it isn’t the worst thing. Don’t get me wrong here; I don’t want Sesame Street being sponsored by the F word anytime in the future either. I also don’t want to hear newscasters swearing either; although these days I don’t think you could lessen the integrity of the news any further.

So what is profane? Anything that you don’t agree with or things that personally offend you. Is that a question or a statement? I’ll leave that up to the reader, as I have other things I need to do. One thing I think is profane is that a blog about what is profane didn’t contain any profanity.

One part of the bacon bit was how we make other foods taste better by wrapping them in bacon. Now I do like bacon, but I usually just do regular bacon for breakfast and bacon bits if god forbid I eat a salad. Anyway, I’m at the store one day and I see the bacon wrapped steaks on sale and I think, well steak is good, bacon is good; I bet there’s something to this. So I buy my cheap version of filet mignon and the next day realize that it is excellent and the bacon adds so much to it. Well the next time I went to the store shopping I see something that blew my mind. Bacon wrapped pork.

I’m pretty sure that is one of the signs of the apocalypse. Who is the one thinking, hey, you know what would make this pork taste better? More pork wrapped around it. You’re probably asking yourself one thing; did you buy some? Of course I bought some, and let me tell you, bacon wrapped around a pork steak is great, like mixing breakfast and supper together. Maybe we could call it bupper, or seakfast… just throwing it out there. I do have to give props to the salesperson at the pork plant, they have earned every dollar of their commission.

In other news I’m moving, hopefully within the next two weeks. That will make me even less scarce for a short time in the online world. That’s ok though, I’ll be offline enjoying some bacon wrapped food.

I sort of grew up listening to George. My dad had a tape of him he listened to in the car, because back then George only swore in certain parts so the whole act wasn’t so risqué. To date myself here, I’ll mention that the tape was an 8 track tape. After my dad died in ’85, I didn’t hear George again for 3 years when “What am I Doing in New Jersey” was released and I watched it on HBO. I loved that special, it was and still is one of my favorites I had ever heard, which made me go back and rent a lot of his back catalog. I remember that was my freshman/sophomore year in high school and I memorized the “Jersey” special word for word from watching it so much. I went out and bought his entire back catalog on cassette tapes and listened to them in my walkman. To make myself not look like such a technological dinosaur I will mention that now I listen to the mp3’s on my IPod. I also have every special on DVD. These are the DVD’s that were released a while ago in two sets and I purchased the remaining DVD’s separately. I didn’t repurchase the ones released after last June to capitalize on his death. One because I hate when someone famous dies and suddenly everything they’ve ever done is now available for you to purchase, or repurchase as it is; and two because I’m a cheap asshole. To date, George is the only stand up comedian that I've ever seen live.

Anyway, I have one question to pose here… George died on June 22, 2008, Ed McMahon died on June 23, 2009. Do you think Ed ever thought last year after George died that he only had a year and a day left in him? These are the things I think of when I’m home alone and the power goes out…

So tonight I'm surfing the web because it's Saturday and I'm surely not going to work hard on a Saturday and I happen to go to CNN’s website and this is the breaking news. Are you fucking kidding me? That is not breaking news; that is entertainment news at best. Am I mistaken or isn’t there some new nuclear crisis going on with North Korea. Aren’t we still engaged in combat with Iraq and Afghanistan? What happened to the swine flu? Holy shit, less than two months ago we were all going to die from it, then suddenly it was like, oh, never mind. Are you fucking kidding me, I’d rather hear more about that than entertainment shit. Besides, now that a few people are dying from the swine flu in America nobody even gives a damn. By the way, speaking of swine flu, I just want to mention that my state of Wisconsin is now number one in cases. Take that you other 49 states. We’re number one.

Somehow I got on a tangent there, probably because that kid from grade school didn’t sell me any Ritalin this week. Anyway, back to my original bitching… Someone winning or not winning a stupid reality TV show, whether in America or overseas is not news. It’s entertainment. Jon and Kate having marital problems isn’t news either. In fact, anyone whether taking fertility drugs or not popping litters of children from their overstretched vaginas isn’t news and really, why the fuck is it entertainment? How many TLC or Discovery shows are there with people with way too many mouths to feed? I’d rather see some show with a couple without kids that go around and help out with homeless and sick kids. At least there may be some substance to a show like that… but of course that might make people think and have feelings and we can’t have that. Seriously though, if I gave two shits about those stories I would pay attention and check on TV shows that are made for news. There’s Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight, Insider, and those bloodsucking leaches over at TMZ. Hot shit, there is even an Entertainment Network called E!. Maybe they should be the ones that report this shit instead of CNN. I don’t turn on E! and expect them to report on the war.

Some may wonder why I let shit like this get under my skin and I tell them, because this is the shit that is rotting America’s brain slowly. It’s nothing more than something to distract you from all the bullshit going on around you. To quote the late great George Carlin (who has been gone almost a year already) "I don’t have pet peeves, I have major psychotic fucking hatreds."

Now what in the fuck was that all about? What happened to Flash, so then I open up Dreamweaver to the same message, same goes for Photoshop and Fireworks and… well you get the idea here. Well I immediately go to my best friend Google and ask it a very simple question; What the Fuck? I get many replies and realized that this is a problem that has existed in some form since back in 2006 or so. I find this interesting Adobe Knowledge Base Article named the following:

Error "Licensing for this product has stopped working" when you start any Adobe Creative Suite 3 application”

Hey, that sounds just like my problem there, so what should I do? I know, I’ll follow their suggestions and get my Adobe up and running like a pro again right?? Wrong.

The first thing it said was that my licensing service was probably in need of an update and I should download this update and get it up to speed. No problem there, I did all that and guess what… nothing. Then I did the part where I make sure my Flex Net is set to manual and is started in my services. That’s already on. Next there were some permissions I was supposed to set on a couple different folders, which I did. Once again, not a thing.

By now it’s been almost a week and do you know what I’m feeling… major fucking hatred towards Adobe or Macrovision or whoever’s problem this is and since I don’t know if it’s the product or the licensing company I’m pissed off at both of them.

My last ditch effort offered to me by Adobe’s suggestions is to do a complete uninstall of pretty much everything Adobe on my PC and to run a CS3 Cleaner through the computer to deep clean everything out. Well there goes my fucking holiday weekend right there. There’s nothing more I like to do on a three day weekend than to fix something that shouldn’t have fucking broke in the first place.

Luckily before I get to the point of actually uninstalling all this shit I find an awesome article about how someone fixed this on a Mac. Now I don’t have a Mac, but the solution sounded like something that would work on a PC (so fuck you Justin Long) too. All I had to do was insert my original installation DVD’s and when it comes time to install, instead of running a total install, I unselect all items and then the only thing that gets installed are the shared components. Well, once that was completed I pulled the disc out of the computer and went and clicked on my Fireworks logo anticipating another failure. Well much to my excitement I got a box pop up asking me for my serial number. I entered that, then activated the product again and I’m up and running again…. 7 fucking days after this shit started. Let’s hope I never have to go through that shit again, but at least if I do, my expectations for Adobe are no longer as high as they were before, so I won’t be nearly as disappointed. Did they hire ex Microsoft developers or something?
What else is going on around here? The weather is starting to get really nice again so hopefully that will last a little longer than the last time. Last time it lasted about three days and then it went back to cold and utter shit. In fact last Saturday we actually had snow. It wasn’t a lot of snow but it was enough to slap you in the face and make you realize that you weren’t going to be wearing shorts on that day.

Well shit, I better get back to working with my Adobe products before the whole thing goes to shit again.

I ended up buying a 22” flat panel monitor last weekend online from Dell. If you’ve read my blogs in the past you probably remember that about a year ago I bought a Dell computer and it had a 22” widescreen monitor. Just so you know, the monitor didn’t burn out on me or anything like that, in fact it seems to be working just fine. I just decided that one just wasn’t enough. Now I have dual monitors on my computer so I can hopefully get into my graphic design even more. I’ve attached a picture… and yes, it’s a lot of screen to look at, but so far I love it.

Let’s hope something will piss me off in the near future so I can do another entry this month.

I tell you though; the commercials that really irritate me are the Pizza Hut ones. They started this bullshit campaign when they started introducing their new pastas. All of the sudden it’s like,”we told this room full of people that they were eating some decent food, little do they know that this shit came from Pizza Hut”

I can see that when you’re introducing a new line of shit, so I’ll almost let them slide, but seriously, what the hell is up with the stuffed crust commercial? They give these dumbasses a stuffed crust pizza and then the friend says, oh the pizza guy made a mistake and wants the pizza back and they go batshit (well the Kenny Loggins looking motherfucker does anyway) and won’t give it back. Let me say this. I like pizza, maybe even love it, but what is so great about stuffed crust pizza anyway? Hey, you know that shit that’s all over the top of your pizza, well we put some in the crust too because we want you to have a heart attack tonight. Second, even if the pizza guy fucks up, do you think he’s going to come back and tell you and ask for your half chewed up pizza back? Shit no, he’s going to go to the next house and give them the wrong shit too because that’s what people do when they work with the public. Everyone gets pizza, the people that got fucked up orders get some coupons for free shit and the world spins another day.

Who the hell took over Pizza Hut’s ad campaigns for this shit, Ashton Kutcher? Do I eat some Tuscani pasta and then Ashton runs out and goes… you just got Punk’d, that shit was from Pizza Hut. Up yours grandma fucker.

What else is pissing me off? How about Facebook. You can put any stupid social networking site in place of that name, it really doesn’t matter. I bitched about MySpace before back when I set up an account because I thought it was stupid, which I still do. However, when it comes down to Facebook vs. MySpace, there is no comparison in the annoyance factor there. Do you know how much I am pestered by people on MySpace? Never. Sure there is the oddball friend request here and there mostly from bands you never heard of, but fuck it, it’s just MySpace and who really gives a shit. All I need to do is press a button and you’re approved or denied.

Facebook on the other hand lets people “suggest” to me people they think I should be friends with. I get notifications all the time saying… Jeff Dahmer is friends with Charles Manson and thinks you know Charles and has suggested you two be friends. Well fuck that shit; I don’t need anyone telling me who they think I should be friends with. I’m a motherfucking disgruntled human in case anyone has forgotten and I get sick of that shit. Look, if Charles can’t add me as a friend himself then fuck him and all of his stupid ass requests that I can avoid if I don’t put his sorry ass on my list. What the fuck is that about anyway? People want to put me on their birthday calendars and stupid shit like that. Look, if you don’t know my birthday already, then what the fuck are you on my friends list for in the first place. Fuck you with the lower case f from the Facebook logo.

I have to get out of here now, my gourmet pizza is here… oh shit, it’s from the Hut.

Then after they tell you the character name or movie name it’ll be a few minutes and then they realize the actual actors name and you get to hear that too. What the fuck, is there going to be a test after the movie or some shit? Shut the fuck up and watch the goddamn movie. If I wanted explanations I would have turned on the closed captioning asshole. Can you fill me in on what Batman had for breakfast while you’re at it?

What’s real fun is when your firend doesn’t know where they’ve seen this person before, they just know they have. Well, I know I’ve seen them before…

Well no shit, that’s because they’re fucking actors, this is their job and they don’t just work one movie and hang it up. Now don’t turn to me and ask me to help you on your half assed Trivial Fucking Pursuit like movie watching ability.

Fuck, now I have to go home and watch the movie alone like I should have in the first place so I can enjoy the thing and get my five dollar rental fee out of it.

First off, Florida has once again not disappointed me by giving me two missing little girls in the last 6 months, and not only that, but their names rhyme. The second girl I hope they find her alive because it is a horrible situation for any parent to go through; however the one that irritates me is Caylee. This poor girl was killed and put in the woods; her mom is in jail on suspicion. Well guess what news people; now that the girl is dead, take it off the news. I had no problem when she was missing and it was on the news because hey, let’s get the news out there and maybe someone can help ID her and find her and get her home. But now that a body had been found and the mom is awaiting trial, I don’t want to see it anymore. If you want to spend time on a newscast then do some more to help find some more missing children. I don’t think Caylee was the only one out there. In fact I know she’s not. What about Adji Desir? I haven’t heard shit about him aside from the 10 minute blurb one night on Nancy Grace that he was missing, but apparently dead white girl trumps missing black boy, and we’ll leave the news at that. Note that I’m not totally bashing Nancy Grace on this, I’m talking about all of HLN, CNN’s second 24 hour news channel (like you fuckers needed a second one).

Anyway, I’ve mentioned before how having 24 hour news saturates the market and gives us way too much news and since there is time to fill, we get repetitive and stupid news stories. Well apparently NBC heard me and decided to put a news story on NBC Nightly News just for me. Now had this been some 24 hour MSNBC story I would have understood, but no; NBC reported on their Friday night newscast that Socks the cat had been put to sleep. Do you really think I give a flying fuck that the Clinton’s cat was put down? It was a cat for Christ’s sake! Was he (I’m assuming Socks was a boy cat) the Secretary of Hairballs or something like that? If not, then what difference does this make? Hell, he didn’t even get a blowjob while he was in the White House (OK, I’m only assuming that as well, because I don’t know what Monica’s limits were). Anyway, he was a pet and he was old for a cat, so therefore it’s natural and not news. He was just their pet.

And that brings us to pets… I have one more item to visit before I turn off this computer for another night. Who the fuck has a monkey for a pet? I don’t ever want to have a pet that I can’t take in a fight. If I have a cat and that fucker gets over 20 pounds, I’m taking his fat ass to the shelter. I don’t need Snicker’s smothering me in my sleep some night because I bought the wrong flavor of Fancy Feast. And if I have a dog, I’m getting a small Poodle or Chihuahua; you know, one of those gay dogs, because I could kick their ass if they freak out. I don’t need a German Shepherd walking around with my detached forearm in his mouth when the police show up. So we come back to the monkey, and not a cute cuddly monkey, a big ugly monkey with a bad fucking attitude. Well that’s what you want, go ahead and invite the neighborhood children over to play with him. Don’t forget, monkey’s have thumbs, and with thumbs, you can hold a knife, or gun… depending on how bad ass your monkey is. Oh, and by the way, I don’t know if it’s really a monkey or some other type of primate, but this isn’t fucking science class, so get over it if I’m wrong because I’m going to refer to it as “the monkey” always.

Now I haven’t read all of the reports involving this case, however from what I’ve been hearing, the owner slept with the monkey and took baths with it, noting that it was like her child. Lady, the monkey was what, 12, 14 years old? Show me any mother that sleeps and bathes with her teenage son and I’ll show you a future serial killer. Honestly, between you and me, you can’t convince me she wasn’t riding the primate pole.

So anyway, monkey (I know he was named Travis… but seriously, he’s a fuckin’ monkey) attacks this ladies friend and rips her face off. First off, why would you go visit your friend if they had a monkey? I’ve had friends with birds and I don’t go to their houses because I don’t want my eyes pecked out. So anyway she goes over and this monkey goes ape shit (I had to say that) and attacks her. That is so uncalled for and wrong and most likely unprovoked. The only way she was asking for it would be if she had been wearing Calvin Klein Banana Fragrance; then yeah, I’m with the monkey on that one. Give me the fucking bananas, I smell them and they’re on your face and neck. However considering the fact that Calvin Klein isn’t releasing that fragrance until Christmas of 2009, I doubt that is what happened.

So let’s recap how the news is making Dave more disgruntled… dead girl, still at the top of the news (Natalee Holloway anyone?) I don’t care if a cat belonged to the president; just because it died it isn’t news worthy. Monkey’s don’t make good pets unless their name is Clyde and you’re Clint Eastwood and you’re filming a movie in the 70’s.

Holy shit, that was a lot of writing, hopefully that makes up for the last couple years of sluffing off. Hey, good news by the way, the last blog entry (Feb 7) was my 500th blog entry. Also, 2009 marks 7 years of Disgruntledhuman.com (don't divide 500 entries by 7 years to see how lax I am you damn nerds). Technically it’s my 8th year, but I didn’t purchase the domain name until April of 2003. You know, maybe that will be on the news some night.

Yeah, I doubt it too. I’ll have to buy a monkey.

Speaking of the Amish and fireplaces… does anyone really believe that these heating units/fake fireplaces are being built by the Amish? That shit is mass produced just like everything else on the infomercial forefront. The only way I would buy any of that lame shit is if Billy Mays was selling it. Well him or that goofy Sham-Wow guy. What is it about wearing a mic/earphone headpiece from 1998 that makes you such a dick? To tell you the truth, I don’t think those Sham-Wow’s work well anyway.

There’s a phrase I love… To tell you the truth. Is our society so filled with lies and untruths, that we have to say that and warn people that we aren’t going to lie now?

Wow Jim, I really have no luck with the ladies lately.

Tim, to tell you the truth, you’ve never been good with the ladies.

Seriously, why don’t we do that when we lie to people? To totally lie to you, you are the most beautiful woman I know… oh no, the wart compliments your facial features. Yes, cellulite is in for 2009.

You know, to be honest with you, I don’t trust anyone who says to tell you the truth.