So You Say It’s Your Birthday?

You know, birthdays were awesome when I was younger and another year didn’t make me realize I was just enjoying a countdown to death. Birthdays are different for everyone, but here is what I think about them.

When you are a kid birthdays are awesome, I mean really, free presents. Depending on your memory capabilities and how many brain cells you have killed in your teenage and adult life, you probably can remember as far back as being four. Did you have a shitty birthday as a kid? Most likely not, unless you had a shitty life or someone died on your birthday. If that happened then you are probably scarred for life and only get 10 minutes a day on the net in the asylum so I’m not too concerned with you reading this.

Your first birthday is probably the best one, which kind of sucks that you don’t remember it. You’re brand new, your parents didn’t accidentally (or intentionally) kill you for a whole year. There’s plenty to celebrate, you get put in your high chair with a cake of your own that you get to go to town on. The messier the better, it makes for good pictures, home movies or whatever you call the shit you record with your smart phone these days.

Your second through ninth birthdays are pretty much the same shit different year type. The only difference is instead of getting Lego’s or some kids stuff, you are getting better things. Don’t worry, you always have that annoying aunt that will get you clothes no matter how old you are.

Your first big birthday of any importance is your tenth. Holy shit, you just made it to double digits so that is impressive. You’re not one of those single digit bastards anymore, you’re a one-zero, unlike the rest of the babies.

The next important birthday you will have is going to be your 13th. Welcome to your teenage years and to your new job of seriously annoying the shit out of your parents with pretty much every thing you do.

You lay low for a few years, then you hit the best birthday yet… 16. You are kinda/sorta an adult now. You can drive and go out on dates, get a curfew to break that means something. You also get to go out and get your own job. Being 16 and working is nice because even though work sucks, as a teenager, who really gives a shit right? Sure you can’t vote yet, but I can & don’t, so don’t worry about it. Enjoy it, in two years you will earn that right and not use it.

Holy shit, you’re finally 18 years old. This birthday is awesome too. You’ve turned 18, you’re done or almost done with high school, you may or may have not had a kid already which is a whole other post. Seriously, you are bordering on the doorstep of adulthood now. It is time to head off to college and do some serious partying… um, I mean learning. You still have to wait a few more years to drink (legally), so you’re not officially and adult yet.

Bow down to the holy grail of birthdays… you are now 21 and can do legally what you’ve been doing for the past three years. Welcome to your legal binge drinking years. You are probably still in college and will most likely kill all the brain cells holding the accumulated information from college in your last year there, but hey, it’s college – party on.

I hope you’ve enjoyed your trek of birthdays so far, because that was the last fun one for you, now people will only give a shit about your birthday when it is followed by a zero. Did I forget to mention that they won’t celebrate the birthday for you, it is for them to remind you of how old you are getting. Your 30th will be the nicest one you get from them. You will get a few “old person” jokes and maybe a black balloon or two, but for the most part it will be pretty civil. You may feel like shit because you were a 20 year old and now holy fuck, you’re a 30 year old. This is where your college education comes in and you realize how old you’ll be in 10 years.

The next one you will celebrate will be to totally make you feel like shit. Happy 40th asshole, welcome to the old person club. You will be decked out with black balloons and a black cake and anything else that can represent death & happiness all at the same time. Enjoy it because half of them will probably be dead by your next big birthday celebration.

The next two you really celebrate will be your 50th & 60th. These can be lumped together because it is just a lot more of the shit you tolerated on your 40th. You can only be told so many times that you are over the hill and so old they are surprised you’re not dead etc… before it just becomes commonplace. They can still do this even while you’re 60 because you haven’t retired yet and are still working. That makes you fair game.

After that, you will celebrate your 70th birthday. This one will be more mellow because they can’t give you shit anymore about one foot in the grave, because you probably really do have one in there. People start getting nicer when you get older, mostly because they want you to put them in your will. Regardless your 70th birthday going forward to your funeral will usually just be a somber “holy shit you’re still alive” type of party. Enjoy your cake and pass your cynical knowledge onto the youngsters so they can be scarred for life. It is your legacy.

 

 

It’s changed, but the same

Very briefly (like my appearances on this blog), I’ve changed companies for my hosting and for my domain name. Although I was smart enough to back up all my content before I told my old hosting company to piss off and no longer had access to my stuff, I didn’t really bother to notice what my theme was or where my pictures were. I have all of that locally, but will have to do some experimenting and some FTP transfers to get everything back to where it was. Once that is done, I will be able to ignore this website with confidence again.

I Hate You Technology

I think that I’m officially sick of the internet and other forms of technology. I’ve hung out with the internet for almost 20 years now since the days of annoying dial up noises and pictures that loaded in about 3 hours. Since those days I have seen idiotic things such as pop up ads and the trick ads of “click here to win (insert cool item of the moment). I never cared about that because I wasn’t dumb enough to click on that stuff, unlike the many people whose computers I had to fix. Now we come to this age of social media and we have the same type of shit going on there. Although I haven’t seen many sightings lately, I am always amused by the friends that have the posts on their wall claiming there is an amazing video of some naked celebrity or some shocking death video that you have to click and watch. Once again, I’m not that stupid, have fun cleaning off your computer. Even more than this though is the annoying look at me shit that companies are trying now for people to look at their Facebook pages. My newest nemesis is The Weather Channel. I guess I shouldn’t expect anything from them considering what has happened to their television channel, but I could have hoped. I absolutely fucking hate the “These things will make you sick, you won’t believe number 3, click here” type of bullshit. Look Weather Channel Facebook among other violators, you ARE NOT Buzzfeed so please stop trying to get people to look at your stupid site with these lame ass bait and switch tactics.

Hey, speaking of nude celebrities, let’s talk about this hack job that exposed a bunch of them last week. First off, those were their own private photos and shouldn’t have been sent out to the world, so if they have any recourse of action to sue, I hope they do. The other part of this is the reaction around the world. This ‘how dare you’ attitude of taking a picture of yourself naked. Really America? Why do we have such a problem with nudity and sexuality in this country? I have never understood this disgust and shame we place on nudity. Nudity is natural, you are born naked and then told to cover that stuff up the rest of your life. I’m not suggesting that people should start fucking at the McDonalds or anything but next time you see a boob let’s not try to act like we are all going to hell. One only has to remember the SuperBowl wardrobe malfunction of Janet Jackson that flashed her boob for a few seconds and the uproars that followed that. People wanted to fine CBS over a half million dollars for that, meanwhile I’m sure there were crime shows in CBS that showed multiple people being shot and killed, but that was OK to us. Someone being raped or murdered, good TV, 2 seconds of a boob, well that’s horrible, we need to stop it. If only titties were guns then it would be your constitutional right to flash them anywhere.

All of this brings me to a new realization and a new chapter in my life. I am cutting the cord from cable TV. I have long had issues with Charter. I don’t refer to them as Charter Communications because they don’t communicate unless they want something from you. I am only cutting my television off for now and keeping my internet, we’ll see how that works out. I have realized that even though there are an inordinate amount of television channels out there, I only watch about 4 of them, and I have no vices such as football or other sports that make me need to be plugged in. If you’ve read any of my other posts in the past, I despise all of the 24 hour news channels and think they are a waste of our time. I have had it with the weather channel as well. You may have also caught in the past that I really hate reality television as well. Sure I have some shows that I like to watch, but thanks to Charters complete fuck up of the FXX transfer last year, they taught me that I can live without my favorite shows and just binge watch them when they come out on DVD or Netflix. For those that were not around to hear me complain (I don’t remember ever blogging about it). When FXX was born, it took the place of some lame FOX sports channel which was on some sports package tier of Charter’s. When I called them and asked why I wasn’t getting FXX I was told that I needed to upgrade to that tier for only $10 more a month. I told them to fuck off and hung up. I mean sure I could have gotten other wonderful channels of people fishing and playing soccer, but who wants that? Because of that debacle I did not see The League or Always Sunny last year at all. I ended up catching up with Sunny on their reruns on Comedy Central and I just caught up on the League with Netflix. My life did not get worse for not seeing the shows until now, and if I had missed them both until DVD’s were released then I would have just went that way. So in a way, thank you Charter for showing me the way and letting me know that I don’t need your shitty television service any longer. The roughly $1,200 that will remain in my bank account on a yearly basis thanks you as well.

Sorry Mac, I went with Windows

Well, I decided this year that instead of getting the iMac that I wanted, I would go with windows instead. No, not shitty operating system Windows 8.1, but actual windows in my house. I have very old Andersen windows in my house that are no longer practical for things like keeping heat in during the winter or out in the summer. I don’t know what year these were built but they are awning windows and the opener pre-dates the crank. There is just a three piece bar that you unfold, then push out. So I dropped about four grand on new vinyl windows that are just currently sitting in my garage. No I am not going to install these myself, I do have a contractor. My number one rule of house fixing is that I do not do anything with holes that go to the outside of my house. One of those rules is because what connects the inside to the outside of your house is kind of important and should be done professionally. The other reason is that although I’m handy, I’m also lazy and there is a good chance that I would have a huge hole in my house for quite a few days before the project gets completed. Where did I leave off? Oh yes, why are four thousand dollars worth of windows just sitting in my garage instead of being installed in my house? Lazy contractor you ask? Nope, shitty supplier that fucked up the original order when it was sent in. All windows are off by at least two inches and two that are supposed to be the same exact type of window are different. One is an insert that I need, albeit wrong size, and the other has a nailing flange which can’t be use. Lucky me, I get to have a bunch of windows that I can’t use hang out in my garage like a lazy brother in law until the new ones arrive.

What else is going on since I haven’t touched this blog since the end of February? Obviously nothing too exciting or I would have probably posted it on here. I am looking at getting a new vehicle. When I say new vehicle I mean new to me, not new off the lot. I have only bought one new vehicle off the lot and that was because I was 19 and stupid. Now that I’m 40 I realize that I have only owned seven cars my whole life; I know people that do that in ten years. So I’m looking around for something different and in Wisconsin I definitely want to keep my 4WD capabilities, especially after the winter we were dealt last year. I think I’m due for a new one, but I think I could feasibly get another year off what I have now, as long as it doesn’t fall completely apart. It should be fine provided I don’t hit any bumps. I will most likely wait until I have my windows and contractor completely paid off before I think of getting a new car, and as good as my window supplier is, that will probably be 2016.

Is it Really March?

Tomorrow is the first of March already? You wouldn’t know it by looking outside, because it looks more like December or January out there. Regardless it means I have to go through the painstaking task of flipping my damn calendar tomorrow.

I am so glad that I have Netflix so that I only have to watch stupid shit on TV when I choose to. I’m not talking about reality TV, because I try not to acknowledge its existence if at all possible. I think I mean the news more than anything. Memo to the news channels – The Oscars are not news, they are entertainment. Shit, they aren’t even entertainment, they are giving awards out for past entertainment. I wish I had awards for doing my job… And the award for the best performance of pretending to give a shit about his job – Dave!

Well I can dream anyway.

I Blame You Groundhog

My snow banks are about 2 1/2 feet deep and my old pal the groundhog says we have 6 more weeks of this shit? To be realistic, even if it didn’t snow again until October, it would take another 2 months to melt what we have. Either way, I blame that furry little bastard.

Hey, it’s February already. You know, in the old days I would have been bitching about all of the stupid stuff I would be selling in retail. Although I still don’t know what stuffed gorillas and singing hamsters represent aside from shitty gift giving abilities; I could care less.

What else has been going on with my boring ass life? Not a whole hell of a lot. My projects that were necessary are done & I’m down to doing things for fun. I purchased a Kreg Jig & I am experimenting with that. Hoping to make storage units for all my tools… But we’ll see what my lazy ass actually pulls off.

Oh Weather Channel

Oh Weather Channel, you crack me up. Let me start by saying I do not have DirecTV and I still have The Weather Channel in my house. I have Charter Cable, which can be a whole blog of its own, just ask me about how pissed off I am about the whole FXX rollout someday…

Apparently The Weather Channel and DirecTV had some sort of dispute and either DirecTV dropped them or The Weather Channel pulled out of their deal. Whatever happened, anyone with DTV is no longer getting TWC. I do follow TWC on Facebook for some reason, most likely I was slightly drunk one night and needed to ‘like’ some stuff more like I was a teenage girl.

TWC has had an onslaught of pleas with people to drop their DTV because they are no longer featured there. That is fine in and of itself, but they are doing it in a dumbass way. They are coming out saying that so many people will be in danger without TWC to provide them potentially life saving weather updates. Really? Are you fucking kidding me about that? Last time I looked there were still radio stations weren’t there? What about local news channels providing live local weather coverage? What about that device that damn near everyone seems to carry around on them at all times? It’s like a computer, it can message you when there is bad weather, you can watch live weather on it… oh yeah, a fucking cell phone. The way I see it, nobody is anymore danger from the weather because they can’t see TWC then you are in danger of being catfished because you can’t see MTV.

Let’s mention the other big part of this whinefest… reality TV has destroyed another channel. MTV isn’t about music, TLC isn’t about learning, and TWC isn’t about weather. They would rather show you Coast Guard Alaska, or Prospectors or some other bullshit reality TV show than the weather… although to be honest, can you really fill 24 hours a day with weather? I’d rather sort my sock drawer.

Even though I still have TWC, I hardly ever watch it. In the summer when I am experiencing some awesome severe weather, I’m certainly not watching TWC. I’m in my basement with my TV on local weather channels, I have my iPad on checking out radar loops and I’m listening to my police scanner. Do you know when I am watching TWC? It is when some town far away from me is being destroyed by storms and they are showing live coverage either via storm chaser or local news affiliates. I don’t want to see that if you ever covered my area. Wow, that tornado is going right for that house, hey that looks like my car parked in front of that house… oh shit.

I’m Old

I have come to the realization that I’m old. For further proof I only need to look at my driver’s license and see that I turned 40 in 2013. Now I’m not Centrum Silver old, but if I believed that vitamins were beneficial in any way, I would at least be regular Centrum old.

What has really gotten me down this revelation of my oldness has been my odd renewed interest in this little site that I let suffer for quite some time. I imported all my old blog entries and realized that I’ve been writing blogs since 2002. I wrote my first blog ever on August 16th 2002. However, I had been around for about 6 years prior to that in one form or another with a website. I know what you’re thinking, he’s going to bore us with a story of the old days… I would but my memory isn’t that great anymore, did you forget I’m 40 now?

I was here before Facebook & MySpace, I was posting irrelevant bullshit before Twitter was a twinkle in some twit’s eye. I have been around longer than YouTube and most other social media sites out there. I was grumpy before the cat, I was an ass before Daniel Tosh made it popular, I’m just plain old.

What the hell is up with the weather? I get it winter, you can suck monkey balls if you want to. Enough with the snow and wind and other shitty conditions already. Do you realize that the sun can shine in the winter? I miss the wintery sunny days. It seems like I am either wrapped up like Ralphie’s brother in A Christmas Story or it gets a little warm and we get a bunch of snow dumped on us. Will it ever end? I only need to remember we got over a foot of snow the first week of May last year… so the answer may be no.

The iMac Dilemma

So for the past year or so I’ve been entertaining the idea of buying myself a 27″ Apple iMac. It all started when I bought the iPad for myself back in October of 2012. I still love using that and I followed it up by joining the millions of iPhone users in May of 2013. Of course every time I hit Best Buy I’m in the computer section playing with the Apple products.

I still am not sure why I haven’t purchased it yet, I am pretty sure it isn’t if but when. When I was younger I once spent over 3,000 on a computer that outdated after the first boot up. My current computer is a little over 6 years old now and it hasn’t lost much of its ability. That is the sad thing about being a “Responsible Adult”, I can make better cases to not buy than to buy. I think the deciding factor will be that I am not impressed with Windows 8 at all. I’ve owned every version of Windows so far going back to the times that DOS was the way to go. I hated ME and wasn’t really impressed with Vista at all. I just know that with them it is same shit, different OS.

I’m just hoping that someday soon I can say I’m posting a blog entry from my new iMac. If not for any other reason than typing on an iPad kinda sucks.

Reborn

Who would have thought that it would have taken me until 2014 to finally do something with this dying website? I was running on some old outdated Movable Type platform for the blog, cleverly (in 2004) integrated with a website design I created using Dreamweaver CS3. Unfortunately my lack of giving a shit compiled with purchasing a new home four years ago not only limited my logging on to write a blog, it also pretty much ensured that I would never update the guts of the site either.

All of that changed today, and honestly it started a couple weeks ago when I had Christmas week off from work. I started doing my backups and playing around with WordPress to see if I could master it. So yes, the blog has been built on the WordPress platform, and instead of integrating the rest of a website made in Dreamweaver, I built the rest of the website with WordPress also. I went back to basics here, I completely deleted everything on my server. Cartman website, gone. My blog, gone. All non-blog pages, gone. Guestbook, gone. Of course everything was backed up, so most everything is back up and running already. I need to crawl the blog and restore any pictures that I would like to see in there. I think I backed up my guestbook, if not it really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. There is a comment section all over this website now. Probably won’t bring the Cartman thing back, that was old as shit.

Benefits I will enjoy now include a website that has links to my DisgruntledHuman presence on Facebook and Twitter, not to mention the actual Twitter feed on the right side of the screen. I also have a website that doesn’t look broken, and actually looks about the same whether I look at it on my Dell in Internet Explorer, or on my iPhone or iPad using Safari.

Hopefully my peaked interest in WordPress means I will actually write blogs on occasion. The fact that I have an App on my iPad for WordPress might help make it happen, because that thing is like my third hand.

This is the longest I have sat at my home computer in 5 years, although the last time I did this manually I was probably looking at another 6 hours of messing with CSS and uploading. This was the easiest upgrade I’ve ever done.

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