You Hate Leaves

It’s Saturday and I’m sitting on my ass on my couch with my laptop and a friend’s laptop going at the same time. I’m researching and playing on mine and fixing the other. Well I look out the window and I see my older neighbor outside in her bath robe raking leaves. Ok, it is 9am, why the hell are you outside in a robe raking? I don’t want to see that. Put some clothes on. This is the same neighbor that wears bikinis while mowing the lawn. Do you not realize that I have windows and don’t want to see that shit? It’s like a bad accident, you see it and it’s bad, but you still look in disbelief. This ranks up there with the old men that are outside without shirts and their moobs are hanging out. Seriously, don’t you fuckers own mirrors? I keep my ass covered because I know people don’t want to see this shit. Maybe I’m just too curious. Maybe I’ll go get my mail in some speedos this afternoon, but that would involve me going and buying speedos, and I just don’t have that kind of time on my hands right now.

Today will involve finishing fixing this computer, going to Menards to buy some more shit I probably don’t need and begin the basement cleaning. I swear my basement is about three boxes away from looking like it belongs on that show Hoarders. Speaking of that show, I love it. Anytime I feel shitty about my house cleaning abilities, I just turn on an episode of Hoarders and think to myself… at least I don’t find cat carcasses when I am cleaning. Fuckin’ sweet.

I am patiently awaiting winter, and trying to make time slow down because 40 is approaching faster than ever. 37 this month already, holy shit; I swear I was just slacking off like hell at high school not too long ago, but now my 20 year reunion is coming up next year. I’m about due for my midlife crisis anytime now. I’ll have to roll the dice pretty soon on that one, c’mon convertible and slutty girl… ah shit, I got Rogaine and Prozac.

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