Tornado Safety
Tornadoes are one of nature’s scariest forces. With little or no warning they can drop and destroy your entire house; just like your in-laws during the holidays. For that reason I've compiled a list of things to keep in mind, just in case you cross paths with a tornado.
- A large tornado touching down in your town is very unlikely. If it does happen, make sure you get outside and look at it.
- Tornadoes usually move about 30MPH. Your car goes much faster.
- When moving to a new town make sure you live on the other side of town of the trailer park. Tornadoes always hit trailer parks.
- If you're ever caught in a tornado, make sure you have your red ruby slippers with you so you can get back home.
- Don't move anywhere referred to as fucking tornado alley.
- Practice Yoga. That way if you're ever in an F5 tornado you can bend over and kiss your ass good-bye.
- Tornadoes don't go underground. You should live underground.
- More people die from floods than tornadoes. So much for hiding in that ditch.
- When you hear the sirens, call all your friends and let them know there is a tornado.
- Make sure your camcorder is all charged up so you can get your ass on the 10pm news.
- If you're watching the weather and the Meteorologist says there's going to be a tornado, just remember; when was the last time that bastard was right?
- If after the tornado you look outside and there is a yellow brick road... boy do you have a long day ahead of you.
- Hey, it's just a funny shaped cloud you whiny fuckers.
- This is what you get for always telling your kids that it looks like a tornado went through their room. Well, now it did.