It’s Turkey Day in 2008

So it’s Turkey Day apparently, otherwise I was tricked into eating turkey for no good reason. I’m not a fan of the bird. I like chicken, but I do not enjoy turkey. In fact I’d rather have a pizza or something like that.

I’m also not feeling inspirational or thankful this year and definitely don’t feel like doing a complete post.

Will I be going to bed early tonight so I can get up early tomorrow and go shopping on Black Friday? Hell no. I don’t like going to the store when the number of people are at a normal level and I hate getting to the checkouts and waiting in line, so why would I go where I have to wait in line to even get in the store? What is this, fucking Disneyland?

Go back and eat some pumpkin pie and come back in a month when I write something else.

Hey Marriott… You Suck!

Well this past week I had the pleasure of staying at the Marriott for a work related meeting. In case you’ve never stayed at a Marriott before I’ll let you in on a little secret; it’s not that fabulous. I know you were thinking that it must be an awesome place to say but in reality… not so much. I stayed there Monday night and thankfully my job footed the bill; because I don’t think I’d pay over $200 for a place to sleep. Two Hundred a night for real; for that you could get a shitty motel and a hooker… and herpes.

Now it wasn’t only the fact that this place took that much money for a room not much different than any run of the mill motel; it was the fact that although they advertise ‘internet in every room’ I apparently didn’t see the part that said it was $14.95 a day for that service. Seriously? I would think when you jack people over 200 for a shitty room (god, what do they charge for a nice room?) then you could possibly provide free internet connection. Oh well, I didn’t need the internet connection anyway, I was far too busy watching one of the wonderful 14 channels they offer. There’s nothing more I love than staying in a place that doesn’t even have Comedy Central. Fine, now I can’t even laugh this shit off.

On Tuesday, you know the whole reason I was there in the first place, during one of our breaks from the big seminar, I went to the snack shop and decided I needed a pack of Stride Gum. Hey, when you want flavor that lasts longer than you ever wanted to fucking chew a piece of gum, I recommend Stride. Anyway, I decide to buy myself a pack of Stride and find out that it costs $2.29. Holy balls, that is crazy shit right there; luckily I didn’t want a 20 oz of pop, because that was almost $3. And after all of that, a nice drive home from the Twin Cities in a fucking ice storm; don’t even get me going on that.

What else is going on around here? Oh yeah, the weather is starting to make a turn for the worse. We are now on a direct course towards winter time. I tried to stop it, tried to delay it, but to no avail. I’ve already seen the freezing rain and the sleet and the snow; the only thing left for it to do is accumulate. Go ahead snow; I fucking dare you… in fact I double dog dare you. Don’t push me, I’ll pull out a triple.

What else has been going on lately? Hmm… I don’t know if anything significant has happened since my last entry. My birthday yes… thanksgiving isn’t here yet, so it’s not that. I feel I’m missing something. Oh I know what it was. We elected the first black president of the United States. It was a very quick and clean election process that night as well. They had actually declared the winner before my old ass went to bed. The first time I voted was in 2000 and holy shit did I have to wait for those results to come in. I remember being at the bar and thinking fucking A, wrap this shit up already. Well two weeks later they finally did. So to hear a winner announced so quickly that night shocked this shit out of me. The one thing I noticed at the acceptance speech was the faces of the crowd. People with hope in their eyes and a whole crowd united. I don’t think the other side has had that since what… September 12th 2001? Now let’s get this country straightened out and back on track so we can get back to not caring about anything!

As I Sit Here Typing…

This is a brand new experience for me. No I’m not talking about posting a second blog for the month of October, I am talking about me doing my first blog from my new laptop computer. That’s right, I bought myself a new laptop computer for my birthday. Oh, you forgot about my birthday did you? Well you bastards.

So you’re asking yourself why I would need a new laptop when I just bought myself a new desktop back in February of this year. Well the answer to this is very simple; I’m thinking that maybe I can become some self absorbed asshole now and start sitting in coffee shops and start writing my script. Nah, I’m just kidding, I just wanted to watch internet porn on my couch.

So what did you do for you birthday Dave I hear you asking me. Well, what I did was the week before I went to the casino with a couple friends. I like to go there once a year and donate some money to them because then I can live another year guilt free that the white man raped and pillaged the Indians and stole their land. Look Tonto, you got my $30 so now we’re even.

Of course I wasted my fun license the weekend before my birthday so the weekend of my birthday I didn’t really do shit. I got to work on Friday and found out that my door had been desecrated with a couple posters of South Park characters wishing me a happy birthday. Well that was awesome, then I got a kick ass gumball machine with a huge bucket of refills. The gumball machine takes money if someone is dumb enough to put money in it. I think I can turn a profit on my birthday this year.

I Hate the Grind

Every time I turn around I have a shitload of homework to do and right now I’m at a point where my mind no longer wants to absorb anymore shit. I’m looking at shit that I think I should know and understand and I’m drawing a fucking blank. Some may say I’m just giving up, but I say I’m just burnt out. I think I’m going to take a few days off of work in the next week or two so I can possibly recoup and refresh myself. I just got done doing an assignment but all I can think about is that a new season of South Park is starting tomorrow night.

I’m also watching the rain fall apparently trying to make up for a dry summer. Well someone needs to tell the weather it’s too fucking late and I’d rather it just keeps droughting out. Of course if I didn’t bitch about the weather, what would I do, sit around and watch my 401K disappear like it was an Olsen twin on a diet?

I noticed I haven’t blogged for almost a month, so that probably means that this is my October blog. Oh shit, it is October isn’t it? That means that I have to suffer another stupid ass birthday this year. I don’t even care about the whole birthday thing anymore. I think it has something to do with not getting cool presents anymore. I don’t anticipate getting anything nice and I don’t really want anything. Well, what I want I don’t think can really be given in present form. Who knows?

I Saw Some Stupid Shit

I’m back to school now, and it sure is grand. I am taking two night classes every week because I’m apparently lacking in the common sense department. It isn’t too bad, it’s just very time consuming and boring… did I mention that? Accounting classes are extremely boring. I’d rather match socks all day.

I was at the grocery store a few days ago and I saw some stupid shit on the shelf. Now I know what you’re saying, there’s no stupid shit on the shelf at the store, because I buy all that. You forget though, you’re just a mere customer; I was on the inside for over 15 years of my life.

Anyway, there are tons of stupid ass products, most of what I call “lazy” products on the shelves of stores. I don’t think people should be making everything from scratch but some of the lazy products are just plain stupid. Canned frosting was an OK invention for people who don’t want to mix ingredients together and make frosting (trust me, I’ve made it from scratch and I’m a fuckin’ knob in the kitchen). Well I can let canned frosting slide a little bit, but then they came out with microwaveable frosting. The kick here was not only don’t you have to make it, but now you just melt it and pour it on the cake. God forbid you have to pick up a utensil and fucking spread it out. How lazy is that?

It’s like that peanut butter and jelly mixture shit on the shelf. What the fuck is that about? Hey, we know you like peanut butter and jelly, but who has time to open two jars? Besides, you don’t want to cross contaminate your jars. That and the squeeze peanut butter, apparently they have discontinued butter knives in the stores.

Anyway, the latest abomination I saw the other day in the store was pancake batter in an aerosol can. It was like Redi-Whip but it was pancake batter. You spray the batter directly into your pan and then you fry up your cakes. Now… I’ve made pancakes before and I have never had a problem mixing powder and water. It’s actually very simple, you put powder in a bowl, add the right amount of water and you start mixing it up until it gets to the right thickness. Then you put it into the pan and you fry it. I don’t understand the need for the aerosol can of pancake batter. If you are really that lazy, then why don’t you just buy frozen pancakes or waffles and not even cook the shit in the first place. Oh that’s right, you’re too retarded to operate a toaster.

I Pod Blues

I bought myself an 80GB black I Pod for Christmas last year, mostly because I totally deserved it. Anyway, I’ve amassed for lack of a better term, a shitload of music for my Pod. I decided when I got it that I would only put full albums on it, and currently I’m around 589 albums. The thing about that is I haven’t even finished converting all of my CD’s over. It’s not that I don’t have the room on the I Pod; it’s just the fact that I am a lazy motherfucker. If you don’t believe me, just take a look at my blogging history. I can’t even muster up enough energy to write some lame bullshit on a website that I am paying money for.

One thing that I’ve noticed with my whole Apple experience is that my friendly I Tunes has a few quirks. I notice that the damn thing will split up my albums every once in a while. I usually have to go in and tweak the shit out of my files so that they group again. I’ve read around on the net and realize that more people than just me have this problem. That’s good, because I’m not fond of suffering alone.

Hey… I haven’t bitched about the weather in a long fucking time have I? I’ll wait for you to read all my previous posts and figure it out… besides; I could use that time to take a nap. I told you, I’m lazy.

Summer has been creeping up ever so slowly. The heat hasn’t been overbearing though which is surprising, but I believe that shit is coming soon, like in the next few days. Mid 90’s coming in and some high humidity, now that’s a treat. It actually sounded bad enough that I put the damn air conditioner in the window, because up until now I’ve done without but then again, we haven’t had mid 90’s yet this year. Now we will probably get some more storms too because of this shit.

Oh, now you went and got me pissed off about some storms, which leads me to the storm sirens. Last year the National Weather Service decided that they would target storm tracks more specifically, like hey, it’s the southwestern corner of your county, not the whole thing. Well, apparently the jackass motherfuckers that ring our sirens didn’t get that memo. I’ve been treated to two different times with sirens ringing because someone can’t distinguish between the northeastern part of the county I live in and the southwestern part that the storm was actually in. It’s 2008, I can look at the fucking radar online if I have to and know where it is. Of course at work we have this place they call the tunnel and when the sirens go off we have to go in there. I don’t work in retail anymore, so it’s not like there are 10 of us going into that tunnel, there are about 250 of us going in there. Tell me how comfy that is on a muggy afternoon?

July is almost over, and now before oyu know it, it will be Christmas time. It all falls like dominoes you know. Soon it’s August, and I start class again, then it’s September and we are doing inventory, then it’s October and it’s my birthday (that’s a hint fuckers) and then November hits and its Turkey day and then boom, Christmas time. Maybe I’ll get myself a 160 GB I Pod this year.

The Post With No Name

I could say a lot of stuff about George Carlin and what he meant to me. However, I didn’t know him personally, wasn’t related to him, I was merely just a fan. I have his stuff on DVD and audio and his three books, and I saw him do his stand up once. I am not someone who does eulogies and therefore I will leave the words of wisdom to George himself, from his 1977 release “On the Road”.

When I die, I don’t want to go through that funeral shit. Hey, when you die, you get more popular than you’ve ever been in your whole life. You get more flowers when you die then you ever got at all. They all arrive at once- too late. People say the nicest things about you. They’ll make shit up if they have to, man. “Oh, yeah. He’s an asshole, but a well-meaning asshole.”

“Poor Bill is dead.”
“Yeah, poor Bill is dead.”
“Poor Tom is gone.”
“Yeah, poor Tom.”
“Poor John died.”
“Yeah, John.”
“What about Ed?”
“No, Ed, that motherfucker’s still alive, man!” “Get him out of here.”
Your approval curve goes way up, man.

You might be at one of those funerals where you’re lying in the coffin, you know, folks looking at you, they do have them. “Open it up, I want to see him.” And you’re lying there and they come by and the first thing they do after blessing themselves if they do that…is subtract their age from yours. Figure at a minimum what they still have to live. They don’t know you’re lying there with no back in your jacket and short pants on. Shit… Embarrassed by the rouge. And they say, “Jeez, don’t he look good?” “He’s dead, man.” “I know, but he never looked that good.” I don’t want to have a funeral like that. I don’t want to be cremated, either. I want to be blown up! BOOM! There he goes! God love him!

Let’s play catch-up shall we?

Where I’m at right now?
Right now I’m driving a 99 Grand Am with front damage and some hail damage.
I am still working in accounting, and just received a promotion.
I took the summer off from school because I wanted a break.
I still listen to a lot of rap music, but most of it was made before 1995, because that is when rap peaked.
The gas price really doesn’t bother me… I drive about 20 miles a week.
I have zero motivation to work on websites anymore, even though I own some sweet software.
I haven’t had a Fluoxetine for over two months. (Yeah, that could be it’s own entry)
I have over 8,000 songs on my I-Pod, and it isn’t even half full.
The Earth is round.
I have to wait until July 4th for my next 3 day weekend.
Sometimes I wish time wasn’t flying by so quickly.
I’m done with this blog entry.

Death of the Mustang

Well, there’s really no real easy way to say it so I’ll just say it. The Mustang is dead. I will be driving a piece of shit for a while until I decide if I want to go through getting another Mustang or not. As of right now I’m just going to kick it with my hooptie and start saving a bunch of money.

This has been the unluckiest car I’ve ever owned, although I have only owned 5 in my life so far. I had a 78 Camaro Rally Sport, then an ’85 Tempo, a ’93 Tempo, a ’96 Mustang and my 2000 Mustang.

Shortly after I bought this car, I got rear ended while I was sitting at a stoplight. It was November in Wisconsin and of course, the bumper cracked in about 4 places. Jackoff that hit me lied about having Progressive insurance and jerked around until suddenly he was unreachable. Hopefully he’s somewhere in prison being violated by someone… because I don’t hold grudges.

My passenger front quarter panel was hit in the parking lot and of course, no notes saying oops… I got that one fixed but didn’t fix the bumper because that would have been out of pocket expense. I hit something in the garage one time too, which put a huge kiss in my stupid plastic front bumper. I never claimed that because even though it was ugly, it didn’t limit any functionality of the car.

Last February some dipshit ran into my car… my passenger side quarter panel again. This time it bent it up and inward and made it hard to open up the passenger door. Well, this time I paid a little extra and paid out of pocket for a new rear bumper since I was getting a new front bumper as well. My car was whole again, for a little over a year.

This time it was self-inflicted. I was driving through the parking lot and had started to turn before the big concrete pole, then I heard some death scream from my right and like a retard I looked but didn’t hit the brakes, and apparently didn’t keep turning the steering wheel… and crunch. I hit a huge fucking cement pole, fuck pole this was like a barricade. Anyway, after driving my car for over 6 years I didn’t realize that hitting a pole at about 9 miles an hour would result in the car being totaled out, but apparently like the body shop said, I hit the sweet spot.

The Fog is Lifting

I think the fog is lifting, at least it seems like it is. I am beginning to see things much clearer than I have for about two years now. Of course its almost time for me to catch some Z’s and therfore I won’t really go into the story here now anyway, but I’m sure I’ll be bored soon enough and I’ll want to tell a little story.

Speaking of two years, I’ve been at my job for two years, so I guess I can’t really call it my “new” job anymore. It is still however, my non-retail job.

Did I Forget to Mention???

For whatever reason I totally spaced out in my last entry that I went to the Minneapolis Auto Show. For the most part it was nothing more than a large showroom that I had to pay to get into, but there were some cool things there as well. I did get to see the convertible Camaro concept car, as well as the new Challenger concept and a few nice Mustangs to boot. I did take about 80 some pictures so hopefully I will post some of those over the weekend. I am really itching to redo my website and not only graphically but there is some shit I want to remove and some stuff I want to add, so we’ll see exactly how that shit works out. I am Mr. Too Busy to Blog lately, so rebuilding a website seems somewhat out of reach.

Speaking of the Auto Show, I had to pay 10 bucks to park there. Now after driving through downtown Minneapolis those fuckers should have to pay me. I’m not used to dealing with retards at high speed like that. Once the parking was finished I then got to pay to go into the convention center and look around. There was another 9 bucks. Hey, we’re still under 20 and I hadn’t hit anyone (with my car or fist!) After being there for a short time I decided I was a little hungry and went to the rip off stand… oh, I mean food stand. They had wonderful stuff like a small soda for $3.50 and a slice of cheese pizza for $4.50. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a lovely fountain drink in the large city before, but it tastes like they used old pool water to make it. Don’t they make a fucking filter that at least reduces the damn amount of chlorine taste? That’s all I’m asking here, that my eyes don’t water from the ice cubes. Oh, and lets talk about the pizza, or should I say the piece of cardboard with some fucking sauce and cheese on top of it. It was the most horrible tasting pizza I’ve ever had, and I’ve had shitty pizza in my lifetime; believe me.

Hey, this is the third time this month that I’ve posted a blog. I think I’m on a roll or something… well maybe not.