Internet Safety

Spending time on the internet can be full of fun and excitement. However, danger also lurks. You should be aware of all the possible dangers that are out there. That's what this page is for, because we care about you. Did you fall for that shit? See what I mean, the internet is full of bullshit and I'm here to help you sort it all out. This time I'm being serious; maybe.

Stay away from chat rooms named 'psychotic killers looking for victims'.

Unlike that time with the Belgium hooker, a condom won't stop a computer virus.

Sitting on your computer for long periods of time is bad. Once an hour stand up and slap yourself for wasting another hour of your life.

If you wind up on a bad site with naked girls, get off there... right after you bookmark it for daddy.

Be cautious when opening e-mails. Delete anything you don't recognize. That and those stupid jokes your grandma keeps sending you.

If you're searching for a way to give your cat a bath, don't type 'wet pussy' into the search engine.

Your e-mail will most likely be bombarded by hundreds of junk emails a day. Look on the bright side Think of how many trees aren't dying now.

Most people in chat rooms are all bullshit. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt if you gave Hitlersbitch03445 your phone number and address, you always did have a thing for German men.

If you're worried someone might steal your credit card number when you order online, make sure you order a lot of stuff with it; then just claim that you didn't buy that stuff either.

A good way to avoid being stalked and harassed on the Internet is to not download MP3's. Then those RIAA bastards won't even know you exist.

If you get a neat computer virus, make sure you share it with all your friends and family.

Don't give important personal information to strangers online. You did to the government and look how fucked you are there.

Don't try to download Internet porn. No matter how much your grandpa offers to pay you.

Kids, don't talk to anyone who calls himself Fingering Freddy.

Arguing on the Internet is stupid and childish. Yes it is flabby butt.

Many websites put a cookie on your computer. Mmmm... cookies.

If you are on AOL, you deserve whatever you get