Job Hunting
One of the things that most people in this country have to do is work. Only a select few rich people and lottery winners don't have to deal with this. There is a lot of work you have to do just to get work. I think it's a conspiracy myself, therefore I have created a list of items that should help you in your quest for a worthless dead end job like the rest of us.
- Ask your possible boss if Monday & Fridays are optional.
- Remember, with a resume you're really selling yourself. You slut you.
- During the interview, try to stay relaxed, even if it means taking your pants off.
- Avoid illegal questions during the interview, like can you score me some blow?
- In these days you can negotiate the job on your terms. Tell this boss guy you want 2 hour paid lunches and 5 weeks of vacation a year.
- It probably isn't necessary to send a thank you note to the Mc Donalds manager after your wonderful interview.
- Everyone arrives on time to their interviews. If you arrive late, you'll make a lasting impression.
- When looking at your possible employer in the eyes, don't stare evilly into them.
- If you have no positive achievements, make some up. Who has time to check this shit out anyway?
- Tell them your salary requirements up front and if they can't meet them, walk out. $100,000 a year is the going rate for a night manager at Wendy's, isn't it?
- If they ask you if you have any questions, ask who is conducting the interview here. You came to answer questions, not ask them.
- When they ask why you're leaving your old job, don't be afraid to tell them what a fucker your current boss is.
- When you're asked where in the company you see yourself in five years, tell them it doesn't matter. You're sure to be fired by then.
- If you truly suck and have no skills, there is always welfare.